Hello and welcome to this ‘Guinea Pig Times’ (GPT) special Sunday supplement! For the next few weeks we will be following the adventures of a plucky little guinea pig, called Muffin McPiggle, who is about to set out on an amazing around-the-world trip!
GPT: Hello Muffin. Lovely to meet you.
Muffin: And you! I already have thousands of excited fans on my blog so it’s no surprise the press are interested…
GPT: So can you tell us a little bit about yourself?
Muffin: Sure. Well I was born and bred in the East End of London, which I guess makes me a cockney!
GPT: A cockney!
Muffin: Yes. It’s a bit embarrassing really, but my grandfather, Donut, wears one of those weird cockney suits, covered in buttons, and I’ll be honest, he looks a bit of an idiot. Whenever we visit them he is constantly playing an old piano and calling me a “geezer”.
GPT: And what about the other McPiggles?
Muffin: Unfortunately I still live at home with my parents, Barry and Susan. I also have 17 brothers and sisters, who quite honestly, get on my nerves.
GPT: So what made you want to travel around the world?
Muffin: Well, actually I’ve just won a million pounds on the lottery and I was thinking what to do with it. We all know the cliches: buy a solid gold water bottle; invest in a second hutch in the Caribbean; or have servants feed me cucumber while I lie on a chaise longue. But I wanted to do something a bit different…
GPT: You’re certainly doing that!
Muffin: Yes, indeed. This is probably the greatest journey any guinea pig has ever made in the history of the entire universe. And I don’t think I’m over exaggerating when I say it is THAT important.
GPT: What will you take with you?
Muffin: Good question! Well I already have a rucksack from when I was a Cub Scout, so I started with the essentials; a nit comb, comfy slippers and my harmonica. But after that I was really struggling.
GPT: Where did you look for inspiration?
Muffin: Well my mum suggested this shop she absolutely loves. IKEA? What a awful place! I genuinely felt like a guinea pig in a Swedish maze. Whenever I thought I was finally near the exit, I was inexplicably back in the bed department! What a waste of six hours of my life. Although I did buy a lovely garlic press and a bag of 100 tea-light candles.
GPT: I understand that you visited Buckingham Palace?
Muffin: Yes. I thought my trip should start in my home town, so yesterday I travelled on the London Underground for the very first time! It was great fun, except a lot of the humans thought I was a rat and started screaming at me. But Buckingham Palace was fantastic! One of the soldiers even lent me his black hat, which they apparently call a ‘Busby’
GPT: It’s a lovely photo!
Muffin: Thank you – it’s a selfie on my new iPhone. It wasn’t cheap, but I will definitely need a smartphone for my trip. I’ve even signed up to GuineaMail (Gmail), so my fans can stay in touch!
GPT: Did you visit any other tourist sites?
Muffin: Yes, one of my hamster friends, Harry, told me about this gigantic wheel, that one day he dreams of running inside.
GPT: The London Eye?
Muffin: Thats it! I took a lovely picture of it during a river cruise.
Muffin: But I must tell you about the absolute highlight of my day – I was walking along the Embankment when suddenly, outside a McDonald’s, I found loads of discarded gherkins on the pavement… so I wolfed all those down! Yummy!
GPT: Well, I’m afraid that’s all we have time for this week Muffin. We look forward to speaking to you again next Sunday, when you can tell us more about your exciting adventures.
Muffin: You’re very welcome!